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Article: Cousin Chubby - How Don Lerman Sets
the Standard
Article: Gustoff Zhychick - Competitive Eaters
Hall of Fame Museum
Article: Kevin Lipsitz - Adios, Monster Burritos!
Article: Cousin Chubby - News Flash
Top 20: Gustoff Zhychick [10/5/05]
Article: Cousin Chubby - Upcoming Events and
2 Eatery Recommendations [10/20/05]
Ferocious Wing Eating
in Maryland by IFOCE eaters [11/09/05]
Paulie-Sham-Asaurus Rex [11/30/05]
Zychick's Celebrity Boxing Lineups [1/20/06]
Charles Hardy VS Joe Larue ...................... Projected Winner: Charles Hardy in 5 rounds
Ed Jarvis VS Eric Booker ............................... Ed Jarvis in 12 rounds
Pat Phiibin VS Dale Boone ............................. Pat Philbin in 2 rounds
Don Moses VS Oleg Zhornitsky ....................... Oleg a no show Don fights Curtis Sliwa instead, 1st round knockout Moses wins
Sonya Thomas VS Loraineasousrex Lipsitz ............ Loraine Lipsitz in 10 rounds
Hal Shemael VS Stu Birdy .................................. Stu Birdy in 2, makes Hal Shemel pay for take out sanwiches at carnegi deli
Alan Goldstein VS Pat Bertoleti ................................... Shredder in 1st round knockout
Beautiful Brian VS Krazy Kevin Lipsitz ..................... Split decsion goes to Brian Seiken
- Gustoff Zhychick
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Hello Folks this is Cousin Chubby there will
be one restaurant that I will NOT Recommend and that is Paulies
Pizza in New Brunswick NJ. They advertise a 10lb pizza pie
called the Pauliesaurus Rex for $58 and it is a challenge,
eat it with someone else and the $300 prize money is yours!
The only problem is that the pie apparently
weighs closer to 22lbs.
Don Lerman and Krazy Kevin Lipsitz gave a gallant
try. Kevin and Moses weighed the pie with the tray at 17lbs
and Moses was holding up the tray. They were told that the
tray weighed 7lbs. After 80% finished there was 4 & 1/2
slices and it weighed closer to 5lbs. Afterwards when we asked
to weigh the tray they said it was being cleaned and not available.
The pie was as thick as a Sicilian with a lot of meat on it.
Here are some pics, judge for yourself.
The pie was so big that Don had to hold part of it up while
weighing it. The pie actually weighed more than this!
Photos by: Lorraineasaurus
Rex
- Cousin Chubby
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Saturday, October 29, 2005: Don Moses Lerman,
Beautiful Brian Seiken and I, along with Lorraine "Lorraineasaurus
Rex" Lipsitz, met up at our home at 6:00 am sharp for
a road trip to Bethesda MD. The goal was to arrive an hour
or so early before the NOON EST check-in time. We all squeezed
into my Hyundai Accent for an economical ride to Maryland.
We made it there in plenty of time.
We were all looking forward to Pat from Moonachie
Philbin being there also, but we got the bad news that his
car broke down on the way there, on the Delaware Memorial
Bridge. Apparently his driveshaft dropped. Pat, we all hope
your car is back in tip top shape and sorry for your bad break.
When we got there, we met up with the manager
of the Union Jack pub and settled into some really comfortable
chairs they had. Soon everyone started coming in and soon
Crazy Legs, Brian Subich, Allen Goldstein, Sonya Thomas all
wandered on in. This is why I love participating in IFOCE
events. I have as much fun before the events as during the
events. While winning is paramount, it is not the be all and
end all of why I participate. It is great to catch up with
friends and many times they have travelled from all across
the country, or the world, to the events. It is really something
to be part of, when eaters have this type of dedication to
come from all over the world, to eat for just a few minutes.
Soon the wings came out and they smelled delicious
and my hunger pangs started. Don Moses Lerman looked dangerous
and unpredictable in his fancy suit and hat and many fans
were in awe of him. He presents quite a forboding presence
in this outfit.
Soon it was time to begin and we were all called
up, one by one. Then just before the countdown began, I went
to shake eveyone's hands. I apparently skipped Beautiful Brian
Seiken, which enraged him and he grabbed some pickles from
his robe (why he had pickles in his robe I have no idea) and
started beating me over the head with one of them and then
threw the other at me. I just happened to have some cheap
pickles in my pocket that I must have had there from a previous
practice run and I smashed one on Beautiful Brian. Big Brian
Subich came out of nowhere to break it all up and in the process,
banged against the table, causing a loud screeching noise
which frightened poor Sonya. With Big Brian blocking my access
to Beautiful Brian, I then proceeded to toss the one pickle
I had left at Beautiful Brian, hitting him square on his chest.
Rich Shea, meanwhile, had started the countdown
and I raced back to my spot to begin eating. 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-GO
and off we went, furiously eating. I had Sonya on my right
and the Great Don Moses Lerman on my left. I had decided early
on that to place in this contest, I had to pace Sonya and
the Great Don Moses Lerman. So I tried desperately to keep
up with Sonya and gradually fell more and more behind. From
the angle I was standing, it was hard to see Don Moses Lerman,
so I focused on Sonya's jaws, trying desperately to keep up,
albeit unsuccessfully. However, in the process, she dragged
me kicking and screaming along, passing everyone else along
the way, except Sonya herself and Tim Janus, although I did
not realize it at the time.
I zoned out everything else, including Rich
Shea's voice.......the only noise I heard was Sonya's tossing
of her next finished wing bone into the debris tray. About
7 or 8 minutes into the contest, I looked over to my buddy
Don Moses Lerman and noticed he had slowed down almost to
a halt. He had started off so strong and I was not sure what
happened. Don had hoped for a chair, as he likes to eat in
a sitting position, so his jaws are closer to the table. However,
due to space constrictions, there were no chairs allowed up
on stage. Between this and his back giving him some problems,
the Great Don Moses Lerman had to slow down and could not
keep eating at his usual furious pace.
Then the bell went off, the 10 minutes were
up. I was really feeling pretty down as it appeared I did
not place. I had only gotten to just about the end of my second
3 lbs tray and others had gotten well into their 3rd tray
and in Sonya's case......a 4th tray.
Then I started looking at the trays coming
past me with the wings of the apparent winners and noticed
that they were not as well cleaned as mine. The great Don
Moses Lerman had trained me well, in practice runs for the
Philadelphia Wing Bowl for the last 4 years, to clean every
possible speck of meat off the bones. Even though this contest
was about weight, not thorough cleaning, old habits die hard.
Anyway, I shouted for my bowl to be weighed and lo and behold,
I was nearly a pound ahead of some of the others who had appeared
to place ahead of me.
This was a great win for me, finishing third,
with 3.85 lbs. Although I have said it time and time again,
winning is not the only way to have fun.......... it sures
feels good to go home a winner. The $250 I received will be
put to good use :-) Congratulations to Sonya with 5.75 lbs
for first; to Tim Janus, Eater X for 4.0 pounds for second
(he beat me by about 2 wings, getting $750, wow, those were
TWO VERY EXPENSIVE WINGS FOR ME!) to Big Brian Subich and
Chip Simpson with 3.2 lbs each for 4th and to Crazy Legs Conti
with 2.9 lbs for 5th. The top 5 finishers to go the finals
in Boston on November 12, 2005, but unfortunately I have a
prior committment that day and will be unable to attend. So
this will open up a spot for Crazy Legs. I had forgotten all
about this committment and only learned of it again, when
I went to pencil in the finals on my calendar and discovered
the conflict.
Anyway, these were delicious wings and Union
Jack's was even nice enough to give me some to bring home
to Sabrina and Rascal, my pooches. When I got home, I pulled
the meat off the bones and dropped it right down into their
eagerly salivating jaws.
As always, nice memories and a fun time was
had by all. I wish the best of luck to all the eaters for
the finals in Boston on November 12, 2005 and may the best
eaters win!
Hope you enjoy the photos, taken by my biggest
and most loyal fan, aka known as my official photographer,
Lorraine "Lorraineasaurus Rex" Lipsitz.
- Kevin Jay Lipsitz
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 Hello
this is Cousin Chubby; Don Moses Lerman will be going to Washington
D.C. for the Verizon VoiceWing Battle on October 29th. Moses
is well respected when it comes to eating wings he holds a
2nd and 3rd place title at the Philly Wing bowl and a 2nd
place at the Buffalo Wing Contest. This year he’s going
for the gold! Also attending is Krazy Kevin Lipsitz (a 4 time
Philly Wing Bowl Finalist) and Brian Seiken as well as Brian
Subich and not to forget Sonya Thomas. Don Moses will also
be going to Knoxville Tennessee On November 13th for Krystal
Burgers.
Good News Don Lerman Fans! In a month or so
will be the debut of MosesNews.com which will be its own website
but integrated into DonMosesLerman.com. It will have daily
updates on all the news in the Competitive Eating IFOCE Circuit
and readers will be allowed to write in their comments which
will be submitted for approval. Myself, Gustoff Zhychick,
and Krazy Kevin Lipsitz will still appear and will be the
format for pictures and commentary as well as the Moses Museum.
I want to recommend 2 Eateries;
1) Fat Burger in Rockaway NJ (321 Mt. Hope Avenue)
2) Iberia Tavern & Restaurant in Newark NJ (82 Ferry Street)
A Portuguese/Spanish Restaurant where for about $29 a person
you can eat like a horse. Order the Rodizio where they bring
out skewers of assorted meat; no limit to each table!
Until next time goodbye and see you at Washington D.C.
- Cousin Chubby
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1. Kobayashi
2. Sonya Thomas
3. Cookie Jarvis
4. Rich Lefevre
5. Joey Chestnut
6. Eric Booker
7. Don Lerman
8. Tim Janus
9. Bob Shoudt
10. Krazy Kevin Lipsitz
11. Brian Subich
12. Pat Philbin
13. Jed Donahue
14. Brian Seiken
15. Dale Boon
16. Sam Vise
17. Ron Koch
18. Jim Reeves
19. Alan Goldstein
20. Joe Larue
- Gustoff Zhychick
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 Fans
this is Cousin Chubby, a sad note yesterday Gustoff Zhychick
underwent a colostomy after years of dealing with a double
hernia and wearing a truss. He wants his fans to know he is
well and when he gets home he will start his school of competitive
eating. Learn all aspects of competitive eating: How to eat
a wet roll, The 2 handed pelmeni method, Dunking the dog,
Japenesing (separating the dog from bun), Learn wing stripping,
Hamburger shredding, and much more will be taught by the ultimate
master of competitive eating Gustoff Zhychick. Tuition will
start at $10,000 for a six month course.
As you know I refused stomach bypass surgery
however I will be going on a diet along with don moses this
fall and will limit myself to only 2 chinese buffets a week.
Stay well,
- Cousin Chubby
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Don Moses Lerman heard of Pinata's Mexican
Grill in Bethpage NY, just a couple of weeks ago. They have
a special challenge, to help commemorate their grand opening:
Anyone who can eat two of their THREE POUND burritos in one
sitting, gets them FREE.
The rules, must be done in one sitting and
you cannot stop for a break. No cigarette breaks, no bathroom
breaks and presumably, no bowel movements at the table, although
we did not ask.
Now that is a challenge that any veteran competitive
eater cannot take lightly and Moses and I plotted the day
of attack.
We chose the Saturday of Memorial Day Weekend
to attack, with the goal of being the first two people to
ever take the challenge head on and demolish it. The owner,
Chris, told us on the phone (he had NO idea who he was REALLY
speaking to), that there was a Wall of Shame and a Wall of
Fame. So far, only the Wall of Shame was populated and no
one was worthy of the Wall of Fame.
Moses, Lorraineasaurus Rex and myself arrived
at 6:00 pm sharp. Moses and I walked innocently up to the
counter, like putzes, hiding our timers and ice cream scoops
and knives in our pants. We asked how much the burritos were
and how big were they. They told us about the small and medium
ones and we asked if they had something a wee bit bigger.
They told us about the MONSTER BURRITO'S, $9.50 for Chicken
and $10.50 for Steak. I next asked if there was some sort
of challenge if you ate two. We thought we might have seen
something in the paper. He then proceeded to show us how big
they were and I said to Don, what the heck, we can always
put them in doggie bags and take them home for our doggies.
The owner smirked and barked the orders to the kitchen to
begin preparing the monsters for the schmucks who just walked
into his establishment.
Lorraine decided to try to eat one and Moses
and I ordered two each. Don chose water to drink and I chose
soda, normally a bad choice for an eating contest, due to
the gas build-up and feeling of bloating that can come from
too much soda.
We sat down and the owner kept smirking at
us, was he calculating his profit on the burritos (to those
who have never seen these burritos, over $50 for five burritos
would seem insane, even if they weigh three pounds each) and
the three gringos who had just walked into his establishment.......
[Chris, the owner, Kevin "Krazy Kevin" Lipsitz,
Don "Moses" Lerman]
Moses got his burrito's first and I patiently
waited for mine. We were going to start together. Lorraine's
and mine came out together. All I could say was MUCHO GRANDE,
MUCHO GRANDE, with a (phony) look of horror on my face, as
if to say, I just paid $21 for two burritos and there is no
way I am going to do this. Meanwhile, inside, I was doing
the smirking.
[Kevin "Krazy Kevin" Lipsitz and Don "Moses"
Lerman with the Monster 3lbs. Burritos]
Then Moses and I got serious and stopped all
the charades for the owner. Now that our burritos were made,
they could no longer get bigger because of our reputations,
during their preparation, as had happened to Don, Ed Cookie
Jarvis and I at a previous challenge at another establishment..
We whipped out the ice cream scoops, Don's timer and Don's
knives. A look of fear came over Chris, the owner's face.
He saw the plastic bags and thought for a moment that we were
going to hide some of the burrito, ie. cheat. Then he saw
the timer and ice cream scoop and wanted to know what that
was all about. He really did not know what to make of these
three gringos who seemed to now be laughing at his challenge
and mocking it.
We told him these burritos were going DOWN
and we would be outta there within 30 minutes. Oh, and by
the way, bring over the camera.
The smirk was gone and a serious face came
over Chris. Lorraine did the countdown and we attacked.
I picked the monster up like a snake and bit
off its head. Within 10 seconds, I had a third of it all in
my mouth. Shortly after that the monster gave up, became viscerated
and exploded all over my plate, as it fell apart. I was very
careful to keep ever bean, even onion piece, every pepper,
every piece of the tortilla wrapper and every piece of steak
on my plate. Moses slit its belly with the knife right away,
like a fisherman on a boat, about to fry the fish he just
caught, right down the middle and then scraped out its' innards
all over his plate. Then then attacked with a vengeance, similar
to his possessed demeanor when he set the baked beans world
record.
The race had begun. No doubt about that.
Chris the owner left the counter and came over
to sit at the next table to take a look at what was going
on. The restaurant had just opened a few weeks ago and every
dollar counts during a restaurant's opening weeks. I think
he begun to realize that he just donated $40 worth of burritos
to these two "putzes" who maybe really were not
two putzes after all....... and figured as long as he was
going to lose 40 bucks, he might as well get a free show out
of it. As other patrons walked in, he announced to them that
history was being made.
Shortly before our burritos came out, a nicely
dressed couple, with their two children walked in and took
the only available table, next to myself and Moses and Lorraine.
They placed their order and it arrived shortly before ours
did, as their portions were normal size and were easier and
faster to prepare. They had no idea what was going on, but
a look of disgust came over their faces, as they realized
two real pigs were at the next table, setting a very bad example
for their children, whom they were trying to teach some table
manners and fine dining etiquette.
This other couple ordered their food and it
came quickly for them. At this point, Moses and I started
belching, me more so than Moses due to the carbonation from
my Diet Coke. This actually turned out to be a blessing in
disguise, freeing up more room in my stomach. Moses cut loose
a real noisy smelly fart and not to be outdone, I followed
suit. I tried to make mine musical, so the couple next to
us would not think it so bad. This really helped give us a
second wind, although the wind that it created was really
smelly and the couple next to us was getting even more disgusted.
They were NOT amused. Their kids though it was funny, until
their parents silenced their laughs. They almost left, but
I think they decided to stay in order to show their kids how
not to behave in a restaurant. The farting and belching was
getting out of hand, but Moses and I were possessed and began
for forget that we were in a restaurant, not a free for all,
win at all costs eating event!
The first Burrito went down for Moses in 3
minutes, 49 seconds and mine went down in 5 minutes flat.
Midway through the second burrito, the pounds took their toll
and we both slowed considerably. Eventually Don looked like
he was going to suffer urges contrary to swallowing and he
was turning greener than the Guacamole dip on the table. Chris,
the owner, feeling that it would be easier to catch the vomit
rather than mop it up, acted quickly and grabbed a huge trash
can. However, as Moses has often done in the past, he recovered
quickly, was it all an act? .......... and polished off his
second burrito. Moses's grand total for both burritos, 19
minutes, 1 second. During Moses last few seconds, I considered
shoving what was left on my plate into my mouth (just part
of the soft torilla shell was left), but decided against it,
as it would be sort of cheating and this was a friendly competition
and I also might have lost everything I had put down. .......and
after all, this was about getting a couple of FREE burritos
and what good would it be, if my free burritos were all over
the floor, instead of my stomach.
[Don "Moses" Lerman contemplates whether the burritos
that went down will stay down.........]
This was a delicious burrito, for sure and
Lorraineasaurus Rex finished off her 1st three pound burrito
at the exact moment I finished my second one, in 25 minutes
flat. She thorougly enjoyed it and I was very proud of her
for finishing it. But then the wheels started turning in my
head..........
[Kevin "Krazy Kevin" Lipsitz licks the plate clean]
[Kevin "Krazy Kevin" Lipsitz shows off his last
plate, 25 minutes, DONE!]
Being the thrifty minded soul that I am, I
suggested rather strongly to Lorraineasaurux Rex that she
should eat a second one, so we not have to pay for her meal,
but the look I got from her convinced me that that would not
be a good thing for me to keep suggesting. Also, as she reminded
me, she was holding the keys and it was a long walk back to
Staten Island from Bethpage, so I decide to acquiesce.
At that point, we told Chris who we really
were and told him, if he were interested, we could send down
all our eating friends. He assured us, he was not looking
for us to encourage that, but a challenge is a challenge and
for anyone who is interested, you can reach Pinata's at 1-516-681-8282.
[Kevin "Krazy Kevin" Lipsitz gets all his money
back, making this a most delicious FREE meal!]
As of this writing, there are only two faces
on the Wall of Fame, but we would not mind sharing some of
the space with our eating friends. They make a VERY DELICIOUS
BURRITO and it IS big WALL OF FAME. ......and if by chance,
you wind up on the WALL of SHAME, there is always NEXT time.
This article may not be reprinted without the
express written permission of Kevin Jay Lipsitz.
- Kevin Jay Lipsitz
© 2005. This article may not be reprinted without express
written consent of Kevin Jay Lipsitz.
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Hello once again this is Gustoff Zhychick.
Many years ago I had the privilege to go to a store front
museum consisting only of Chinese take-out menus, it drew
quite a crowd. What we need is a competitive eaters hall of
fame museum, not to be confused or take anything away from
the Nathan’s wall of fame, which is in a class by itself,
but a museum of all food contests. How it should work is any
food sponsor who has an annual or one time contest pays a
levy into a fund that is used to rent a store and have a caretaker.
The cost to the sponsors would be minimal and all food categories
would be represented.
In other news I just want to say Don Lerman
is alive and kicking, and kicking strong and says that he
will be ready for the title rally if and when it occurs and
will take on all challengers! Good bye for now.
- Gustoff Zhychick
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 This
is cousin Chubby, in this life you can lead follow or get
out of the way, Don Lerman is a leader. The big bang started
the universe in 1927 when Louis Armstrong joined the Fletcher
Henderson band that started the big band era. In 2000 Don
Lerman (then matzo ball champ) crossed over to enter a Nathan’s
contest that started the sport of competitive eating. Until
then these were just local eating contests and eaters in one
category would stay in that particular food item. Don Lerman
was the first to start with the embroidered jackets and hats
and the photo shirts. Don Lerman developed the water technique
which is widely accepted as the best way to expand the stomach
without eating. Don Lerman went on tour in 2001 and entered
every Nathan’s qualifier; out of 10 he won 7. Don Lerman
won the Coney Island promo twice setting a then record of
5 Hot Dogs and Buns in 50 seconds. Don Lerman’s appearance
in Gut busters and Big Eats inspired many people to venture
into competitive eating. Don Lerman set the standard eating
6 lbs of Baked Beans in 1 minute 46 seconds. Don Lerman is
responsible for eaters having their own nick mames; before
this the promoter or the sponser or the press gave the nickmane,
Don Lerman changed all that. Don Lerman is a true pioneer
in the sport. Recently Don Lerman gained 70 lbs in a matter
of two months. His doctor said never has he seen anybody gain
so much weight so fast. Don is nursing a broken foot so he
cut out the exercise and it’s tough for him to loose
weight, he is almost as heavy as me! He's 100 lbs heavier
then he was in 2000 so he’s going to take a short hiatus
from competing with the exception of a few contests. See you
at the Wing Bowl!
- Cousin
Chubby
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